by Bercedeh Stark

Assuming That Your Move To A New Country Will Go Smoothly Without An Action Plan Is A Recipe For Disaster

If you just landed a new posting or job, or moved to a new environment in a completely foreign country, are you adjusting well to all the changes? Do you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with what you have to learn in order to feel at home? Is your spouse suffering with the changes, leaving you feeling like you can't help because of your travel schedule?

In my work as a coach working with people in transition, I often tell my clients; "Step back, look at your current situation and take a deep breath. Just rest for five minutes and relax from your hectic day." They initially think I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Many people who have made similar changes in their lives feel that there is no time to step back, and certainly not a second to relax. My clients initially respond to my suggestions with something like the following: "I don't have any time at all to 'step back'", I just have to move quickly and get things done. I have a thousand things on my agenda and even more on my mind. My life is in total chaos between the job, the kids, the new language I have to learn and the strangeness of this new culture. I don't even sleep well because of my head spinning with all I'm taking on!"

Exactly! You're probably exhausting yourself trying to do everything on your list and very soon feel completely overwhelmed by your circumstances. It doesn't have to be this way because there are solutions. What's more, the solutions are within you… you just have to consider how to approach what's in front of you with a plan and THEN some action.

Taking the time to assess what you need to do means that you first must know and fully understand what the problems are. This is where taking the time to step back and honestly look at your situation, offers you the perspective and peace that you so desperately need. Then you will be able to create an action plan that works, instead of just adding to your stress.

Let me give you an example of this: A high level expatriate lived his entire career life outside of his home country. During those years away, he and his family became used to traveling and living affluently with a tremendous amount of help with the day-to-day details. When they decided to return to their home country they assumed things would all work out. They bought an expensive home and began to entertain people at lavish dinner parties set in their abundant gardens, not compromising their accustomed way of living. As time progressed, they discovered how difficult it was to maintain their high standard of living. Without a maid, and only occasional help from a gardener they were doing all the work themselves, and ultimately the expatriate had a heart attack. His wife, who had been a brilliant entrepreneur, reduced herself to menial labor to keep the house together and continue having parties. They both discovered that, despite all their efforts at welcoming many people into their lives, they had not developed any real friendships. They were, in fact, isolated and tired from all their efforts without accomplishing what they wanted, which was to become part of a community and enjoy their lives. When they finally found me, they were demoralized and frustrated.