There is a saying here in the USA "If you keep doing what you have always done then you will get what you have always gotten".With recent expats,however, the opposite happens!

As expats we are no longer in an environment where we go through our days on autopilot - knowing what is expected of us, what to expect from others, and how to communicate and interact with ease.

When we are living in a new country, if we keep doing what we have always done, then we can't assume that the results will be as we had expected!

Why Isn't This Working?
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Many of us are thrown into a new level of unexpected discomfort. We may ask ourselves "Why isn't this working?" "How come this is so frustrating?" "Why don't people get it"? By stepping back we become aware that we aren't getting the results we want - and we realize that something has to change.

Some expats may not get over the frustration or disappointment, and continue to do things the way they have always done, while complaining about the country or people and everything else outside of themselves. They see the problem as external and something that is out of their control. In this mindset, the overseas experience becomes more like a prison sentence than one of personal growth and enrichment. What a waste!

The Key to Getting What we Want
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The key to getting what we want is not to jump to judgment but to look internally and observe what is going on. We become aware and acknowledge that it is our old ways of seeing and doing things that no longer work. We can also appreciate that it not our fault, or others' fault - we just need to shift our perspective and experiment with doing things in a different way to get the results we want.

(Listen up long term expats too! If you are a long term expat, you may have changed your perspective and adapted to living abroad, but perhaps you are in a rut and want to get different results. Are you ready to try a new approach to get the outcome you want?)

Seeing Things Differently
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1. From "My way is the right way" to "Let's explore your way" Be open to exploring the beliefs and attitudes of the new culture - and the other person's position. By doing so you become a neutral observer. What is really going on around you? How can you find out more and get involved?

2. From "What's wrong?" to "What's right?" As human beings we usually look at what isn't working for us, and we forget or fail to see what can be working well. Ask yourself - what is working, rather than what isn't working? What are my strengths I can build on? If you are unsure, then start this conversation with a fellow expat, trusted national or your coach.

3. From "Looking back " to "Moving forward" In most transitions we have to let go of something we cherish before we can move on. How much of your time is spent looking back and wishing for things to be as they were? What can you do to accept what you have lost and then let it go? What actions can you start to take to re-create a life of new possibilities?

4. From "This is impacting me" to "How can I impact the situation?" We may not have control of the circumstances around us, but we always have a choice in how we respond to them and the action we take. What different choices can you make that will have an impact on the situation and how you feel?

Experimenting
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Discovering the answers to these questions will bring you to where you can try a new approach, and start taking action. So, whether you are stuck in a rut or whether you want different results abroad - the key is to be open to try a new approach and then experiment.

Are you ready to take experimentation to a new level or curious about how coaching can support you? The best way to find out is for you to experience it. I offer a free coaching session where we can explore what's really important to you and decide what's next.

Cheers,

Val