As a Life Coach (but former Criminal Psychologist - don’t ask!!!!), I have worked for many years with British expats living all over the world - from Europe to Dubai, the USA and even a small Australian island called Mercury Island. I have never had many ex-pat clients from Spain……..until recently.

More and more of my clients are ex-pats living in Spain but feeling disillusioned, directionless, that Spain hasn’t turned out how they had envisaged etc etc. But why this sudden turn of the tide? People have been emigrating to Spain for years, so why now is the dream turning sour for some? I think there are a number of reasons:

i)Great (and unrealistic!) expectations!!

Yes, that’s right. A lot of us come to live in Spain, with only the odd two week holiday as experience of Spain. As we all know a holiday is very different from living and integrating in a new country. So we come with these huge expectations that this is going to be the land of milk and honey, and then the first sign of a blip, and all our dreams come crashing down around us. I’ve worked with clients who have done less research about living in Spain then they would for their two week annual holiday. Or they’ve taken advice solely from friends. If we were buying a car we certainly wouldn’t just buy the car our friend has told us to, we would do a sight more research. And yet in many cases we are prepared to uproot our entire family, give up jobs, leave family and friends, based on what Tom in Torremolinos (who we spoke to for 10 minutes in a bar during our last holiday ) told us! Why do we do this? Most of us take longer choosing a pair of shoes!!!

I think one contributing factor to this could be the huge number of programmes on British TV about living in Spain, and how your life will suddenly become effortless and devoid of all possible problems. Let’s be realistic about this, Spain is a wonderful country, but like any place in the world it has it’s own problems, but this leads me onto my second point.

ii) Unfair comparisons

Why do we ex-pats constantly compare Spain with the UK, especially when things are not going to plan? I can’t count how many times I’ve heard phrases such as “THIS wouldn’t happen back home”. When we are not happy or feeling homesick, there are a multitude of things that we find to pick holes in about Spain. But honestly, if everything was done exactly as it is done in the UK, why on earth would we want to live in Spain? Many people do embrace the cultural and day-to-day differences because that’s what makes living in another country so exciting. Let’s be fair to this wonderful country; for example, how many times are the trains delayed in Spain because the wrong type of snow or leaves have fallen on the tracks? In fact on the AVE (fast train) from Seville to Madrid if the train is delayed for more than 1 minute, you get a full refund! Just think about that for a minute and take that thought back home. Need I say more?

Also,how many of us come from areas in the UK where our rubbish is only collected once a week? How many of us would feel safe about walking the streets of London at 11pm at night, but are quite happy to do so in Spain, after a night of tapas and beer? How many of us can afford to eat out 3-4 times a week in the UK, but don’t think twice about doing it in Spain? How many of us would not step into a national health hospital back home, but would happily do so here in Spain? The list goes on. I think it gives you some idea of how unfair us ex-pats can be about this wonderfully vibrant country. Let’s stop comparing and instead embrace the differences that brought most of us here in the first place.

Finally, another possible reason for some people finding it difficult to settle is:

iii) Foreign colonies

I still don’t understand why, when we move to a new country, we choose to live in tight little colonies where everything is made to represent where we have just come from. Why not just stay at home then? I think this is a huge factor in how successful someone’s move abroad proves to be. I live in Seville, where there are no ex-pat colonies, and boy, am I pleased. I have had no choice but to integrate with Spanish people (or be lonely!!), and through this I have made some of the most amazing friends. I know all the best places to eat (without being charged tourist prices), my Spanish friends have recommended various services to me that I would never have known without integrating with them. I’ve been advised on the best specialist doctor and dentist in Seville, the best law firm, which banks are best for which services,the best supermarket/market to shop at, what’s appropriate to wear for an evening wedding or a daytime wedding, how to make a claim when the electricity goes off and you lose everything in your fridge etc etc. These are things I could never have learnt from your best “How to” book, because it’s real insider info, and it’s information you could never acquire unless you really mix with Spanish people.

Some clients have said to me that the Spanish are very closed, and I couldn’t agree less. If we segregate ourselves by only mixing with our “own kind” then of course the average Spanish person will not encroach on us. We would do the same back home. We would not encroach on a minority community that have segregated or separated themselves from the rest of us, which is why I think living in these little colonies is such a shame because you never get to experience the true warmth and friendship of the Spanish people. From my 5 years here in Seville, I have met some of the nicest and most sincere people; people who will remain my friends for life. In fact the Spanish actually love having foreigners amongst them. They all compete to look after you, show you the best of everything, and really treat you like some kind of celebrity amongst their midst. They genuinely want you to love their country and they go out of their way to make you experience the best of what they have.

For those of us who are not mixing with Spanish people, you are missing a huge chunk of the real Spanish experience, and isn’t that why most of us came here?

So come on, throw caution to the wind and really make every effort to experience the ‘real Spain’. If not, you are really missing out on what could be the most exciting, enlightening and best time of your life here in this wonderful country.