by Kari Masson

I made the mistake of assuming that my manners would come with me across the pond as naturally as my southern accent did. The years of my mother's training in the home were followed by etiquette classes in college, and I felt quite at ease in a formal dining environment. Then I moved to France.

Our first dinner with a French family was a truly wonderful experience. I remember I was taking a delicious bite of foie gras when my husband leaned over and said in a gentle voice, 'Keep your hands on the table.' I had obviously misunderstood, so I smiled and leaned over to ask him, 'What did you say?' He quietly, but firmly responded with, 'Keep your hands the table!' Surely I had not heard him correctly, as any well-brought up young lady knows that you do not rest your hands on the table while eating. As I was thinking it over, he turned to me and calmly said, 'Keep. Your. Hands. On. The. Table.'

At this point, I surrendered my badge of southern belle training and trusted my husband's knowledge of French etiquette. I lifted my hands from their place in my lap to rest gently on the table. And then I looked around to realize that everyone else at the table was already doing just that.

As expatriates, we all have these experiences in which we see so clearly that our culture does not translate well into French. The rules are different, and in order to thrive in our new country, we must adapt to this new way of doing things. But first, we must learn what exactly these rules are. Let's play a game of true and false.

You should place your napkin in your lap immediately after being seated.
False. Once the lady of the house places her napkin in her lap, other guests should follow suit.

Your bread should go in the upper left edge of your plate.
False. Bread is placed directly on the tablecloth, unless it is a formal meal in which bread plates are used.

When the aperitif is served, you wait for the host to give the toast before drinking.
True. You should wait for the host to lead the way, whether an aperitif or dinner course. Once everyone has been served a drink, the host will generally make a short toast after which the glass-clinking begins. It is polite to make eye contact as you say, 'Sante.'