by Bercedeh Stark

Have you ever gone through a period of adversity, challenge & tremendous upheaval? We all have. But have you ever wondered why some people seem to move through their difficult times with greater ease than others? And some get angry & bitter and have a list of reasons why they are being challenged by others?

I know it is easy to blame others when things go wrong. When you're passed over for a promotion, it's easy to blame management for not recognizing your brilliance. When your spouse or partner does not complete a task you've asked them to do, it's easy to blame them for never listening. When you have difficulty adjusting to a new environment and remain on the fringe of your new host country, it's easy to place the blame on the new culture for not being accepting of strangers and closing themselves to newcomers.

To give responsibility to others seems convenient and easy at first but in the long run it:
- makes you vulnerable to blaming others or yourself
- weakens your strengths and undermines your self-esteem
- makes you dependent on others to run your life, you have to take what others believe is good for you and in your best interests
- can lead to habitual fear at being unable to meet even the most minor challenges on your own

You are responsible for everything that happens in your life: both the good and the bad. It may be difficult to accept but you are a contributor in every challenge that comes your way. It takes courage to see your contributing role when having difficulty being accepted into a new culture. Perhaps you have not been as eager to learn the language of your new host country or wistfully long for the way things were in your old environment and are slow to accept the differences in your new culture. Transitioning to a new environment does take time but a willingness to adopt new customs can definitely ease your transition and aid your assimilation into a new culture. The next time you find yourself blaming others for the negative circumstances in your life, step back and examine your role in the situation.

Taking responsibility for yourself, though difficult, is extremely rewarding. It empowers you to be in control of your life and your happiness. Your self-esteem grows as you take ownership of your life.

Other benefits include:
- Discovering your creativity, your talents, strengths, vitality. You have fun exploring your own desires/dreams/goals
- Discovering new things. You are able to approach new situations and people with confidence and curiosity
- You get to know yourself well and as a result you can build up on your potentials

It takes strength to choose to stop being a victim, accept personal responsibility for your actions and your happiness, and stop blaming others for every challenge that you are faced with in your life. But accepting personal responsibility empowers you to move forward in your life and live the life you were destined to live.

Copyright 2006 Bercedeh Stark

Bercedeh Stark Arasteh is a personal coach and seminar leader working with clients who want to reach their full potential while living in new or unfamiliar surroundings. Please visit her online at http://www.bercedehstark.com to register for her inspiring monthly audio broadcasts.