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Marrying into Thai family

Discussion forum for expats moving to or living in Thailand.

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Marrying into Thai family

Post Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 11:50 pm

I have lived with my fiance for 2 years (in US), his parents visit twice a year from Thailand and stay with us for atleast 2 months at a time. When they come to visit (even before me) they tend to all of the house chores, cooking, etc. Now that I am in the picture they will also not allow me to do anything around the house either. They do all the cleaning, laundry, cooking & dishes. At first I understood that I was the new 'outsider' whom they had to get used to and I didn't expect them to immediately accept me. So I have been completely respectful and given them privacy while they are visiting, I've always listened to their advice and I allowed them to continue to take care of their son while they are visiting. They have been very vocal in the fact that "American wives aren't as good as Thai wives' because Thai wives take care of everything in the household and their husbands; and they don't believe Americans can.(<--I'm just repeating word for word what they have told me).

I have always been very independent; taking care of myself, helping raise my brothers & sisters since I was 6, always taking care of the house work & cooking, and working a full job since I was 13. I was raised to believe my place as his wife would be to take care him & our home. According to my fiance I am the exact definition of what a 'Thai wife' is supposed to be like, but that doesn't seem to be good enough for hi parents. After two years they still refuse to allow me to take care of my own household as if they don't trust me to do so properly...they constantly make comments when they arrive about how dusty the place is, how I brought cats that have "dirtied-up" the home. To them our home is only clean when they have arrived & done a thorough cleaning and rearranged my home.

I honestly thought it would get better and they would learn to trust me. I have done everything possible to take care of my fiance and our household, I'm very much a clean person and it's a little offensive that they feel my house is "dirty" when I do so much to keep it clean. It seems every time they come it just gets worse. Now weare planning on moving to Thailand, but I'm not sure how to make things better with them and keep things positive. Is there anyone who understands the Thai culture better, who can help give me advice about how to be respectful and make them more confident in me?


Re: Marrying into Thai family

Post Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 2:00 am

Swallow your pride. Let them do all the work and you can sit around all day eating bon-bons or drinking rum and cokes. What a life!


Re: Marrying into Thai family

Post Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 4:50 pm

Hi Just an advice, read the book Thai fever, it will help you understand more, good luck and all the best, regards Drees


Re: Marrying into Thai family

Post Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 12:58 am

onMy wife is thai, and has read your comments. My wife at the moment lives in England with me for th last 5 years.

Her comments about what you say is this.:

Do not stay with them
Stay near them
In the past thai family do not accept foriener
Just visit them
And just to be yourself
Be polite and respectfull, but live seperate from family


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