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Columnists > Victoria Twead

Victoria Twead
Victoria is a New York Times bestselling author. In 2004 she nagged poor, long-suffering Joe into leaving Britain and relocating to a tiny, remote mountain village in Andalucía where they became reluctant chicken farmers and owned the most dangerous cockerel in Spain. Village life inspired Victoria’s first book, 'Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools', which was quickly followed by two more in the Old Fools series, all of which fast became Amazon bestsellers. Victoria and Joe continue to enjoy life keeping chickens, writing, sampling the local wine and living alongside their colourful neighbours.

Victoria Twead

Tales from a Spanish Village: Two Old Fools And The Last Chicken

Posted by: Carole on Wednesday November 19, 2014 (01:58:05)   (2486 Reads)
Victoria Twead
Whilst most people here in Spain are digging out their warm clothes in preparation for the winter, I am doing the very reverse. The coats and scarves are being packed away and the swimming stuff, shorts and T-shirts are coming out.


Because soon, very soon, I shall be on a long-haul flight to Australia. I’ll be spending Christmas with my daughter, son-in-law and gorgeous granddaughter, two-year-old Indy.

“What about Joe?” I hear you ask.    more ...

Victoria Twead

Tales from a Spanish Village: Two Old Fools And Another Fiesta

Posted by: Carole on Friday October 17, 2014 (16:21:53)   (2561 Reads)
Victoria Twead
When we moved to our Spanish mountain village ten years ago, we soon became familiar with the families who lived here. All of them were friendly and charming and we enjoyed watching the kids grow as the years passed. Little Paco next door had a friend, Miguel, who once tapped on our door, eager to show us his white rabbit. The rabbit hopped around our living room and was only evicted when it threatened to nibble through the TV cable.

Every passing year is marked by the village fiesta in October and the weather has always been kind to us. This year, however, as fireworks exploded in the sky at midday to herald the start of the fiesta, we looked up to see ominous grey clouds gathering above the mountain tops.    more ...

Victoria Twead

Tales from a Spanish Village: Two Old Fools And Wildlife Photos

Posted by: Carole on Tuesday September 16, 2014 (03:11:29)   (2393 Reads)
Victoria Twead
After 10 years in our Spanish mountain village, we know what to expect in summer. The village fills up with people we haven't seen for a year as families arrive to escape the heat of the cities. Children, a foot taller than last year, run wild in the streets and the jasmine-scented air is heavy with the sound of our neighbours' guitar music.

In summer, the swallows wheel high overhead, snatching insects on the wing. House martins return to claim and refurbish the nests under the eaves that they use every year.

This year has been slightly different, and we don't know why. The swallows arrived, but there were far fewer than previous years, and our house martin pair never showed up at all.    more ...

Victoria Twead

Tales From A Spanish Village: Two Old Fools And Jellyfish

Posted by: Carole on Monday August 18, 2014 (03:59:27)   (2187 Reads)
Victoria Twead
With all my thoughts and energies channelled into the launch of Two Old Fools in Spain Again, I haven’t taken much time off this summer. However the book is out now and, with the temperatures still soaring, Joe and I long for a swim.

Our village of El Hoyo is too small to warrant its own swimming pool, but we’re not far from a larger neighbouring village that does. The beach, too, is a similar distance away but in the opposite direction.

“Beach or swimming pool?” I asked Joe.

“Beach, I think,” said Joe. “You pack the swimming stuff and I'll find the snorkels.”    more ...

Victoria Twead

Tales from a Spanish Village: Two Old Fools and Cats

Posted by: Carole on Friday July 18, 2014 (00:49:56)   (2629 Reads)
Victoria Twead
Until the Spanish begin to neuter their cats, there will always be a huge feral population. When we moved to El Hoyo in 2004, we were surprised at how many cats roamed the village, but I guess we're used to it now. Although not domesticated, they all seem healthy and manage to exist on a diet of lizards, birds and anything else they can catch or scrounge.

As the years roll by, it's been interesting to watch the feline politics, and to trace the cat family trees. At any given time there is a ruling tomcat, and the latest wave of kittens always reflect this cat's virility and success with the ladies. Back in 2004, the ruling tom was a huge battle-scarred Siamese mix and the first cat to claim our garden was his daughter, Thief-Cat.    more ...

Victoria Twead

Tales from a Spanish Village : Two Old Fools And Visitors

Posted by: Carole on Monday June 16, 2014 (22:12:38)   (3631 Reads)
Victoria Twead
When the long hot summer days arrive, so do our visitors, eager to share the Spanish sunshine and the peace and quiet of El Hoyo. My niece, Becky, comes every June, always alone.

She's not married, but has never been short of a boyfriend.

"You know you can bring whoever you like," Joe and I have always said to her.

"Nah," she replied every time, "I like coming out here on my own. I'd have to meet someone really special before I brought him with me."    more ...

Victoria Twead

Tales from a Spanish Village: Two Old Fools and Queuing

Posted by: Carole on Saturday May 17, 2014 (00:56:42)   (2690 Reads)
Victoria Twead
Nobody enjoys queuing although most of us accept it as a necessary evil. Queuing and Joe are like cats and water; he hates it. He grumbles and heckles loudly which makes me shrivel with embarrassment as people turn to stare. It amazes me that no shops have banned him from entering their premises.

"Why don't you wait outside?" I suggest but he ignores me, preferring to stand with me and complain at the top of his voice. It has come to the point where I now send him shopping alone as queuing with him is a nightmare.

I must say, I prefer the polite British attitude to queuing.    more ...

Victoria Twead

Tales from a Spanish Village: Two Old Fools and Spanish Dogs

Posted by: Carole on Thursday April 17, 2014 (01:45:20)   (2990 Reads)
Victoria Twead
"I can't concentrate! Why don't the Spanish stop their dogs barking?"

I was trying to write the next chapter for my latest Old Fools book, but the constant background noise was spoiling my concentration.

There are plenty of dogs in our village, all shapes and sizes.

There's a Jack Russell that never stops yapping, a German Shepherd that guards one of the big houses and looks as though he'd enjoy tearing an intruder apart, plus numerous mongrels that roam the streets freely.    more ...

Victoria Twead

Two Old Fools And Bottled Gas

Posted by: Carole on Tuesday March 18, 2014 (02:11:02)   (4525 Reads)
Victoria Twead
It began with a polite knock on the door. Joe answered it and found two smiling men in uniform waiting on the doorstep.

"Good morning," said the one with the clipboard, "we are sorry for disturbing you, we've come to check your gas fittings."

"Really? I don't think we've ever had them checked before," said Joe, suspicious.

"It's just routine. Please check our IDs."

Joe checked them and took note of their company. Everything seemed in order so he let them in.    more ...

Victoria Twead

Tales From A Spanish Village: Two Old Fools And Expat TV

Posted by: Carole on Sunday February 16, 2014 (06:05:34)   (5483 Reads)
Victoria Twead
One could almost hear the howls of anguish from expats across Europe this month, and Joe's was probably the loudest. We'd been warned, although I don’t think anybody really believed it was going to happen. But it did. One day all the BBC channels simply vanished from our screens.

"No BBC1 or BBC2?" asked Joe, desperately punching the buttons on the remote control, scrolling through the channels.

"No BBC3? Or 4?”

NO SATELLITE SIGNAL IS BEING RECEIVED advised the message on the otherwise blank screen.    more ...

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